Part of the process of healing beyond thinking but involving your emotions and
body is to begin to have a “sense”, a “feeling”, even a picture of your inner child.
(Use photographs if you can to remember how s/he felt.)
This inner child process is when your writing skill is not important. What we
are looking for is the connection between your adult self now and the
youngster you once were.
We are all born dependent and, in same ways, victimized. Some children
more than others, of course. It is the acknowledgment of the defenseless
child who needs help from the independent adult that allows healing in
a lasting way.
I had a client recently say she hated her inner child and I knew what she meant is
that she couldn’t forgive herself for being so effected by what happened years ago.
I understand that desire not to be pulled back into the pain of what happened so
many years ago. However, we can not wish trauma it away. We can’t cut it out of us
or ignore it forever unless we want to stay limited. To stay limited is to be triggered
in present day by past reminders.
If you are not working with a therapist, please do so. If you are working with a
therapist, please tell her what you are attempting to do. You want a safe person to
whom you tell what comes up.
Write a letter to your inner child and ask her to tell you in her own words what
happened. Tell her how “safe” you will be with her feelings. Let her tell you how it
was. Take one incident at a time so you do not get overwhelmed.
Sometimes writing with your non-dominant hand helps to free the child
to say what she feels.
Keep your writing large, upper and lower-case. Don’t worry about neatness.
Don’t edit. Let the child take the time they need. The child may need to be
coaxed. Tell the child you have the time she needs and return to this often
and with love.
What I did to get over the shame, blaming myself for my abuses. I took a photo from each moment in time I was abused and looked at the photo and said to myself look at that child do you think she was to blame. My answer was no. When you can have a visual of the child that was abused it helps to realize that you were too young to stop the abuse so why are you blaming your child within? That was when I could forgive my child within and connect with her. I looked at the photo while I talked to her and comforted her.
See/Feel/Forgive
Thanks for your great messages.
The use of a photo is a great way of connecting with your younger self.
When we actually see a picture of how young we were, it’s sometimes
amazing to see the youth and innocence.
Even with present day tumbles and ego stuff mistakes, I take a minute to reflect and can feel how vulnerable I was to old stuff and forgive myself and, if appropriate, say I’m sorry.