Comments for Janell Moon

Comment on Writers Need Writers Need Counselors Need Artists and Singers by janellmoon

janellmoon — Tue, 03 Apr 2012 19:52:53 +0000

Hi Donna:
As a best selling author, I think your life reflects and promotes every other part too: need for aloneness for your writing, need for connection in your work with kids,
need for more immediate creative expression in jewelry making. Bet you could name other parts of your life and find the meaning too. You are a meaning-maker!1

If we are lucky, our lives will express our needs and fulfill them. I find ghosting a book about a cat is filling a need to be expressive and connected. It also puts me
on a schedule which I don’t usually have and it’s good for a change. There’s a security in not always structuring my own day.

On the side, I’m thinking of what need I have to nurture a young one. Will spend time with a two year old today. Have always loved children and miss not having my grandson
local. The mom said I could be the “local grandma” to Rosie. I don’t have much time but I’d like to be around innocence and fun. Guess why?

Also, Anne Sexton’s daughter, Linda, is coming to town next Tuesday to read from her memoir, Half a Life. I’ll have to find out where. Know it’s in San Francisco. I read
her book and it was interesting. Just finished reading Love Cake, a poetry book from a SF poet, Leah Lakahmel Piepzna-Samarasinha whose family is from Sri Lanka. So
interesting to read about her first visit to Sri Lanka after being so affected by its culture et al through her parents.

Best, J.

Comment on Adult Children by Janell Moon

Janell Moon — Tue, 03 Apr 2012 18:38:44 +0000

Dear Leslie:
Your post was very touching and honest. It is amazing that you let yourself be vulnerable to your mom and that she was able to respond with honesty. (We’re not always so lucky to have enough with our parents to be so open. It seemed almost as if you didn’t have a choice you were so hurt!! Parents are often not able to respond saying they did make mistakes.) I am glad the two of you were able to talk it through. It makes for an easier healing although healing is never easy. Some of us will have to do the healing without the parent’s help and I’m glad that wasn’t you.

We all need to remember that we can hold two (many) things at the same time: the fact that we were hurt and the hurt our parents suffered. One needs to remember both so as you heal and make stronger boundaries et al for yourself, you don’t put yourself down.
Parents don’t need to be rescued. The adult child of abuse needs to heal.

Thanks so much for sharing. I’m wondering about best friends with parents. I find that my best friends are those who are not part the cause of childhood trauma. I hope I’m saying this correctly. What I mean is maybe we can be friends as adults to our parents but keep a separation too. Again, hold both things: I am my own person and I have a friend in my mom.

Am I saying this in a way that makes sense? Help!
Best.

Comment on Adult Children by Leslie Raddatz

Leslie Raddatz — Tue, 03 Apr 2012 04:32:12 +0000

During my emergency stage or crisis stage of the healing process, I spoke to my parents about the neglect and molestion they let happen and all the injuries I endured. At first they were very defensive, my mom would say there was always food. It was until I was crying like a child and explained to her that I wasn’t blaming her but the little girl who is stuck with flashbacks in the past needs to be validated so she can intergrate in to the adult ego-state.

My mom than started to communicate to me why we didn’t have certain needs met and that she was so young she didn’t know what to do about my uncle. She had her own abuse issues with her dad that she had to deal with and it was difficult while raising four girls. On top of it all she was an alcoholic and my dad had post- traumatic stress disorder from Vietnam War.

We became best friends because I finally understood that it wasn’t because my parents didn’t love me that these problems occurred but it was just they were not equipped with the parenting tools to be better because of their obstacles in their lives.

Leslie Raddatz
Author of
Flashbacks in Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder: Surviving the Flood

Comment on Writers Need Writers Need Counselors Need Artists and Singers by Donna Gillespie

Donna Gillespie — Sun, 01 Apr 2012 19:44:02 +0000

Hi, Janell! I’ve just been romping around in your blog and it’s a feast — so many delicious topics. This post about Jeannette Winterson opens some doors for me; I’m intrigued by her approach to alone-ness, how she describes it as springing from having felt “invaded” in the past. So often we’re made to feel there’s something wrong with us at our core if we truly prefer to be alone most of the time. It’s a relief to know this is normal for some people (if using the word normal ever makes any sense!) Some people consider being alone punishment. Some consider it a reward. And that’s o.k.
And I love the way you combine socializing with learning, while discovering ways to enrich your poetry (weaving in what you learn from a show on the Jewish use of trees) — now that’s intelligent multi-tasking!
I also really enjoyed your earlier post about memoir writing, and was struck by the similarities to writing fiction when you wrote of how vital it is to know what to leave out. This is a lot more difficult than it might seem, to the uninitiated; it’s a mighty effort of discipline and clear sight.
This blog is an oasis for anyone caught up in the writer’s life. Thank you, Janell!

Comment on Dialogue in Memoir: An Element of Fiction by janellmoon

janellmoon — Thu, 29 Mar 2012 18:03:00 +0000

Thanks, Cherise. Question. What do you know about using dialogue in writing?
Any tricks to keep it sounding normal on the page?

Comment on Dialogue in Memoir: An Element of Fiction by Cherise Wyneken

Cherise Wyneken — Thu, 29 Mar 2012 17:52:05 +0000

Your posts are helpful, Janell. Cherise

Comment on Memoir Writing: What to Leave Out by janellmoon

janellmoon — Thu, 29 Mar 2012 06:46:38 +0000

Your post is very aware. Sounds like you have been through growth. I feel so grateful that my mom is still alive at 92 years which has given me a chance to understand her as a separate person who did her best.
As difficult as it was for me as a daughter, I can accept and love her and show her. For years, I couldn’t kiss and hug her at the same time! Funny the things we do to hold ourselves separate until we heal!
I know many will need to heal after their mother’s have died and that is very possible too. What matters is that our energy is released once we heal and accept our parents and to have our energy back it to enhance
our aliveness. And, that’s what we have to offer ourselves and others.
I’d love to hear your comments. Best.

Comment on Memoir Writing: What to Leave Out by Heather Marsten

Heather Marsten — Wed, 28 Mar 2012 17:38:48 +0000

Great post and it is true, as we grow and change our perception of the past changes. The facts remain the same, but how they impact our lives, what we choose to focus on, and how emotionally charged the memories are changes.

Have a blessed day.
Heather

Comment on Communicating With Your Inner Child by Leslie Raddatz

Leslie Raddatz — Mon, 26 Mar 2012 03:48:39 +0000

I had so much fun with my son today playing on the swings along side of him. We were talking and giggling. We laid down on the lawn and enjoyed the blue sky together as birds passed by my son asked, “Mom are they going to poop on us?” I replied, “I hope not!” It was just so funny for him to say that to me as he is only five years old.

We also built a little fort out of twigs, grass, wet leaves, and bricks. It was so much fun to see how his imagination took off as he told me what we needed next.

I enjoyed every moment of my day with him. When you have PTSD it is really hard sometimes to get outside and get active. So you count your great days and hope for many more to occur.

At the end of the night, I was in a good mood and realized it was because when I was playing with my son I fullfilled my “child within” needs as well. Now that my PTSD is in control it is easy to forget to take care of my “child within” .

So now I have realized when I am feeling crabby like I don’t want to do anything it is my “Child within” throwing a tantrum because I didn’t spend enough time with her. So starting tomorrow I am going to start to exercise and to spend more time with the “child within” while reflecting on what we both need and that is to get to a healthy weight so we have more energy to play without losing my breathe, feeling tired, lower blood pressure and make my body healthy again, etc.

Comment on Memoir Writing: What to Leave Out by search engine optimization delhi

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