Good person, poor relationship choices

It’s never too late to do something different.  It’s never too late to do what is best for you.

Do you need to change?

We all have relationship models from our mother, father and other important people in our environment when we were young and assumed the relationships we were watching were “what was normal.” We tend to redo the relationships in which we have become familiar, healthy or unhealthy. It takes time to examine these models and the beliefs that were passed down to us. Sometimes they are good roadmaps and sometimes they aren’t.

It takes time to undo old beliefs such as how worthy we are of attention, respect and happiness. It takes time to know ourselves and become comfortable with ourselves as we are and not as we want to be or think we should be.

In the first part of every session, we work together to understand what your relationship patterns are. We discover what works for you and what you have a tendency to accept or do that is self-defeating.

If you want to use hypnotherapy, you will be in control and in a meditative state to feel what is most deeply true for you. We will explore what has happened and who you are. Honesty is a bottom line. Perhaps you would like to give up doing more than your share in the relationship. Perhaps you want someone more actively involved with you in a day-to-day way. Or you want more time to spend on your passion and know that your partner has interests of their own. What you want matters so you need to know your priorities, what makes you feel secure and what makes you feel unlimited, and how the two can work together in the correct combination.

Role playing may help you learn how to communicate in your relationships in an honest way. You say what you feel and what you need. You speak about yourself and not the other. Blame becomes less a habit and clarity more a habit in all your communications.

To understand your part in the relationship journey, some questions to ask yourself are:

  • Are you a perfectionist and no one can get it “right”?
  • Are you wanting to play more and your partner likes work and routine more?
  • Do you try to “fix” your partners?
  • Do you forget about yourself?
  • Are you or your partner consumed with work in an unequal way and there isn’t the intimacy one partner wants?
  • Does your partner care more about comfort than you do? More about success? Or less?
  • Do you want to be listened to and taken care of more than you partner wants to do?
  • Do you yearn for self expression and feel stilted?
  • Are you wanting more distance and less emotion in your relationship?
  • Are you wondering what your partner really wants?
  • Does your partner not seem to understand you?
  • Are you searching for both security and excitement?
  • Are you afraid your partner will leave you?
  • Are you afraid of commitment and want adventure more?
  • Do you struggle to be heard? Not to be dominated?
  • Do you feel your partner’s attention is “asleep” much of the time and lacks energy for you?
  • Do you wish you could have a disagreement when things come up and that they would stay small?
  • Do you swallow resentments and then blow up?

All of these questions need to be sorted out before you are ready for a real partnership. You can develop a new set of beliefs and agreements for yourself and with your partner as you work on yourself.

Embarking on this journey will allow you to make better choices. Knowing yourself, you’ll know whether to seek a permanent relationship when you meet someone to whom you are attracted.